[Music]
[音乐]
so there I was sweating my way through
当时我正在
Cuba on a fundraising track when I
古巴筹款，汗流浃背，突然
discovered a lump in my
发现脖子上有个肿块。
neck In fairness for the last few months
说实话，过去几个月
I'd had a cough spasms and a tightness
我一直咳嗽痉挛，
in the neck and difficulty talking and
脖子紧绷，说话困难，
swallowing and here's the irony I was in
吞咽困难， 讽刺的是，我当时在
Cuba fundraising for cardiff's valindra
古巴为卡迪夫的瓦林德拉
cancer center and it gets even better or
癌症中心筹款，
worse for the past 10 years I've been
过去 10 年里情况时好时坏，我一直是
one of its
它的
patrons I've climbed kilamanjaro and
赞助人之一，我爬过乞力马扎罗山和
machap Picchu I've tracked in Patagonia
马查普比丘，我追踪过巴塔哥尼亚
and Nepal raising funds for this
和尼泊尔，筹集资金 为这家
worldclass medical center now I've gone
世界级医疗中心筹集资金，现在我已经
from Patron to Patient so much for all
从赞助人变成了病人，为所有这一切
that Bloody
该死的
fundraising this is it I guess this is
筹款活动，这就是我猜这是
uh chemotherapy drug going in all sorts
呃化疗药物进入各种各样
of things go through your mind I think
的事情在你的脑海中闪过，我想
you think of pain you think of suffering
你会想到痛苦，你会想到 说到痛苦，
you think of some degree of terminal
你会想到某种程度的
illness I think you think of hair loss
绝症，你会想到脱发，
you think of side effects you think of
你会想到副作用，你会想到身体状况
very very unwell people and it's it's
非常非常差的人，
weird that the reality of chemo at this
奇怪的是，化疗的现实至少在这
point at least is just a little machine
一点上只是一台小机器
that sounds a bit like a printer and a
这听起来有点像一台打印机，还有一只
slightly cold
略微冰冷的
arm
手臂，
tomorrow
明天就是
marks a halfway
stage of my
我治疗的一半了，
treatment
that's Rosy on the end of the bed
那是罗西在床尾挠
scratching
myself in case you get any ideas of what
自己，以防你知道
I'm doing in here let me tell you that
我在这里做什么，让我告诉你，那
is the furthest thing from my
是 我最
mind my speech is like this because
不想做的事情就是我的言语是这样的，因为
my mouth and my
我的嘴和
throat are covered in alers
喉咙被 alers 和 SS 覆盖着，
and
SS there's one else of the whole length
of the left hand side of my tongue about
我的舌头左侧还有一根，长度大约
this
这么
long I won't show you it's pretty Grim
长，我不会给你看，这很可怕
in
在
there next
那里
week I can only just say this
下周我只能说
now I hope I can say without puking
现在我希望我能说没有呕吐
enough I have
足够我有
Kyo and the thought of
京和
that this
这种
disgusting so today is my last rapy
恶心的想法所以今天是我最后一次rapy
session process itself is all right and
会议过程本身是好的和
very used to it at this state inside my
非常习惯在这个状态下 我的
mouth is pretty awful
嘴巴非常
disgusting uh Apparently that is going
恶心，显然，
to get worse for the next few weeks even
接下来的几周情况会变得更糟，
though the radiotherapy stops today this
即使今天放射治疗停止，这种情况
will continue to work uh and uh for
也会继续发生，
about 10 days to 2 weeks apparently that
大约 10 天到 2 周，显然，这
will be the peak
将是最
awfulness um I'm really really hoping
可怕的，嗯，我 我真的真的希望
that's not the
不是这样
case um cuz today feels like a
因为今天感觉就像是一个
huge
巨大的
chapter and
篇章，
I just want this to
我只想停止这一切，
stop I want to stop feeling like this
我想停止这种感觉，
and I want to start to feel a little bit
我想开始感觉
better even if it's just a tiny tiny bit
好一点，即使只是一点点，
tomorrow I'm not going to miss this it's
明天我也不会 错过这个，被淘汰是
quite an odd
一种很奇怪的
experience being strucked
经历，
out I don't think there's a it wouldn't
我想过去
be a minute of the last two months that
两个月里，
I haven't thought about
我没有一分钟没有想过
cancer not one single
癌症，一
minute thank you so much guys no need to
分钟也没有，非常感谢你们，不需要
thank us I know it's your job but you
感谢 我知道这是你的工作，但你
have no
不
idea you have no idea how
知道你不知道
lucky us patients feel I don't think
我们这些病人有多幸运，我不认为
that we've got you it's a big deal that
我们能得到你，我们
we've got you you're so
能得到你是一件大事，你这么
good you're so good as the winter draws
好，你这么 很好随着冬天的
on I slowly start to feel a little
临近我慢慢开始感觉好一点
better the elers begin to heal I put on
身体开始痊愈我的
a tiny bit of weight we get a new dog
体重增加了一点点我们养了一只新的狗为我
pixen to Breathe new life into hours I
注入新的活力我
do gloriously normal things like have a
做了一些非常正常的事情比如喝一
cup of tea with
杯茶 和
sha it's back to
sha一起回到
hospital this could be the last gun I
医院，这可能是我拥有的最后一把枪，
ever have or just the latest of many
或者只是最新的
more the uncertainty is draining I've
更多的不确定性正在消耗
got quite a lot of pain in my neck so
我的脖子很疼所以
I'm I'm worried that the tumor is still
我很担心肿瘤还在
there or it's grown it's just yet
那儿或者已经长大了这只是又
another apprehensive scary emotional
一个令人担忧的恐惧情绪
moment I suppose afternoon come and sit
时刻我想下午过来坐下
down Rod thank you take a seat I'm a bit
罗德，谢谢你，坐下，我
of um I'm a bit of an emotional wreck
有点，嗯，我有点情绪崩溃，
I've just realized right just been sat
我刚刚意识到，刚才还坐在
out there one minute smiling to myself
那里，
in front of everybody and next minute
在大家面前对自己微笑，下一分钟就
almost bursted into tears I don't quite
差点哭了 我不
know why I'm a bit of an emotional wreck
知道为什么我会情绪崩溃，
so I apologize if I go one way or the
如果我这样或
other if I get the giggles if I burst
那样地发笑，如果我
out crying I apologize I'm going to put
哭了起来，我道歉，我会让
you out out of your misery straight away
你失去理智 马上
and tell you the results of your scan
告诉你你的扫描结果，
cuz you've had a scan to investigate
因为你已经做了扫描来调查
your symptoms and it is fine okay all
你的症状，结果很好，
right it's the best news we could have
好的，这是我们能期待的最好的消息，
hoped for sorry I told you i'
对不起，我告诉过你我
go
that